HOME.
If only I knew what that means.
Hong kong is home. Logically, legally. Among the 8 million people who live on that tiny dot, I too call it home - on paper, and I guess, almost every summer. It is a place I didn't grow up in, don't have a lot of friends and families, don't have a lot in common with, and struggle to fit in.
A home that seems so foreign and yet familia, a home I do not belong.
Truth is, I am horrified by the idea of going home. You wanna know how nervous I am? I have seriously been having diarrhea everyday ever since mum got me the ticket. My tummy goes crazy whenever I start thinking about going home (which is now, so please excuse me for a minute......) Do not assume I am chi sin (crazy; literally brain waves being stuck together), you heard of people who throw up when they get nervous? Same thing, and the only difference is, it goes the other direction.
Reasons why I am so nervous? I am horrified of 港女(hong kong girls; a slang describing the common hong kong girls; check out this youtube video), and perverts who hangs out on the street by themselves, do nothing but STARE.
Haha Nicholas Cage <3
When Zach went home with me last summer, he saw how paranoid I was with those perverts staring constantly. They just hang out on the street, check out boobs and legs and butt, and they turn around to keep staring after you passed by. My mum said probably because the way I dress. What??? REALLY? The way I dress??? Should I have covered my hair and feet, too? Are we living in the middle east where the girls get blamed for being raped??? Good old Zach was trying to convince me that because he is a foreigner... but I am sorry, babe, they stared at my boobs, not your foreigner's boobs. (Where are they anyway?)
I have lived in this city where 99% of my friends have been sexually harassed in some way, either in the MTR station (metro/underground), buses, or even just by walking on the street keeping to themselves. Are all my friends whores who walk around asking to be touched? Maybe a few of them enjoy the attention(?), but I would say most of those experiences were unpleasant.
Living in a city that compact and busy, it takes a totally different skill to survive compared to living in little mid-west towns. I mean, it takes some skills to survive everywhere you live, but for me, I have been so spoiled by small town people and small town mindsets. Life is easy in small towns, compared to life in Hong Kong. When you are in a small town even like where Zach lives, you feel valued and useful, because nothing ever happens. People compliment easy, and they talk about their aunts and uncles who lives afar because that's the all happening in their lives. Living in a small town, you can stay at home all day to look in the mirror, tell yourself how pretty or smart you are. You won't hear your neighbours' glamorous life stories to remind your pathetic stories. You won't be exposed to people who are having a great time, because you can live in your own little shelter to feel amazing. You don't come across any smart people, or people who look better, dress better, talk better, and basically live better. You don't come across with anyone for that matter, your world can be just about you (and your family). You can get in your car, drive off, get off your car, walk that little distance to enter Walmart. Then you can even do self check out so you won't have to make small talks with the cashier; you walk out, drive to maybe a drive through for food, and then head home.
I am not saying that's all people in all small town, of course, but I have seen people live that way, and only in small towns. And is that bad?
Like I said, I am spoiled so, no.
It's easier to talk about your dreams and future when you live under no skyscrapers, no tall buildings to make you feel small and unimportant. You dream bigger when you feel bigger, and it's actually encouraging when you see people survive on a small job.
After living in the mid-west for a while, I, too, have those dreams about working a small job (or being a stay at home wife even); spend money traveling, live happily and not having to care about money or even the world around me. However, the reality hits me hard in the face every time I go home. I am blessed to have people who support me financially, so growing up I have been getting almost anything I ever wanted. However, when I look around, I see many others who are not as fortunate. They live in small apartments with their family, counts every dollar they spend. My parents worked hard for me so that we can have an easy life, and maybe I should do the same for my descendants? Money doesn't buy happiness, they say. But everything costs money. Unlike America where you loan almost everything; back home, you live on the money you actually have. I used to complain about hong kong people being too materialistic, but maybe that's reality?
Every time when I go home I feel like I am those fishes who went through evolution, who have lost their fins and suddenly been placed back in the ocean.
Found this documentary on youtube. 46 minutes. Enjoy.
No comments:
Post a Comment